This morning, I fed Chubbs runny scrambled eggs with an unknown amount of added seasonings, cooked on a possibly rusty skillet, with oil from an unidentifiable source, served on communal crockery and cutlery that were possibly washed with a mouldy sponge that hasn't been changed in a year. I have come a long way. But considering how picky Chubbs is with his food these days, I'm happy he at least ate a few bites. Best part, Chubbs survived the unsanitary and only had one tummy upset after that. Can't complain.
Armed with the energy to practise sword-fighting after brekkie.
Moving on to a more pressing matter, I have not had a full night's rest for 16-months. The perpetual dark eye rings haunt me in every picture taken, so much so that I've started to shun the camera. So at 16-months old, I decided it is finally time to start weaning Chubbs off falling asleep at the breast.
Chubbs wakes up every night about 2-hours after he falls asleep, hounded by nightmares. He seriously looks pathetic sitting up in bed, with an upturned mouth, trying his best to hold in his tears. Nothing we did could soothe him back to sleep because he is too distraught, and only comfort nursing works. Because of this, I don't sleep before 1am every night. I am usually awaken every 2-hours up for more comfort nursing. Hence, my sleep for the past 16-months has been in spurts of 90-min, four times a night. I'm utterly worn out.
So last night, when he woke up crying at 12am, we tried everything but nursing to soothe him. I carried him over my shoulders, sang and hummed to him, patted his bum bum, gave him massages, walked him around the room, etc. He cried in anguish for more than an hour; eventually falling asleep in a puddle of tears on my pillow. It broke my heart. He woke up again at 5am, asking to be nursed. I gave in.
I don't believe in Ferberizing my baby, i.e. letting the baby cry-it-out; leaving the baby (crying) in his cot, and coming to soothe him at intervals of five to 15-min. The mother is not allowed to pick the baby up, nurse him, pat him, etc., the the sound of her voice alone is supposed to be enough to soothe the baby???!!! I will be there every step of the way with Chubbs, because I want him to know that this process is as painful for him as it is for me; he will not cry alone. I'm not doing this just so that I can have a full night's rest, but I want him to have the independent power to put himself back to sleep when he wakes in the middle of the night, so that he can have more restful sleep. Also, Fuzzy and I want to give Chubbs a tee-tee (younger brother) to play with soon, and that can only materialise when he is no longer dependent on nursing for comfort, or to help him fall asleep. Hence, the necessary evil.
I have long nights and weary days ahead of me. I will be frustrated and cranky. Will someone please make me a t-shirt that says, "Sleep-training baby in progress. Steer clear."
